Why do my partner and I react to the same situation so differently?

Not everyone has the same reaction to the same stressor. Our individual responses to stressors are shaped by various factors such as genetics, past experiences, personality, and physical and mental health.

MUST READ Explainer: Stress vs Stressor (2 min read)

Back to you and your partner, here are some examples for how the same ‘stressor’ can elicit a different ‘stress’ response in each of you.

For example, imagine a person is giving a public speech. One person may experience intense anxiety and nervousness before the speech, while another person may not feel as much stress at all. This difference in response can be due to the speaker's previous experiences with public speaking, their comfort level with the topic, and their personality. A person with a high degree of self-confidence and experience speaking in front of large audiences may not feel as much stress as someone who is nervous in these situations.

Another example would be a stressful situation at work. One person may feel overwhelmed and unable to handle the stress, while another person may approach the situation with a positive attitude and find ways to cope with the stress effectively. This difference in response may be due to factors such as past experiences with similar situations, personal coping strategies, and individual personality traits.

In short, everyone has a unique stress response, shaped by a combination of factors such as genetics, past experiences, personality, and physical and mental health. Understanding these individual differences can help us better understand why some people are more resilient to some stressors and others are more vulnerable.